Group Characteristics
Priority: The weekly Men of Faith Weekly group should be a time that
is easy to attend. It is all too
often that men will find excuses not to attend…”I’m busy, my wife…”, “I sleep
in that day”, “I missed a couple and therefore I don’t know where you are in
the study”… well you get the picture.
It is therefore critical that as many of these objections be removed as
possible. A time that is conducive
to having the guys come is very important and has to be thought out with the
target group to be reached in mind.
We have found that Saturday mornings have worked best for our groups
because most men work Monday to Friday.
You will always have objections no matter what time you select but get a
time and go for it. It is possible
that attitudes and schedules will change for the others in time. With this in mind there will be times
when even your most faithful attendees will not be able to come.
Attendance: The ‘attendance policy’ (term used lightly) should be
flexible with the understanding that men who miss a session should be followed
up on to find out why they were not there. Always try to have an empty chair so that if someone comes
in late they feel welcome and not intruding.
Participation: Encourage men from different churches to attend. There are many churches that feel that
they know the best way or only way, if you get men together that will help
remove some of those barriers.
With that said, topics and discussions should be sensitive to those
differences and chosen to avoid doctrinal conflicts. If a discussion breaches that barrier repair it right away,
don’t let it be a bone of contention.
Always be sensitive to the various backgrounds from which the men come.
Location: Find a location that is easy to find and meet at a venue
that is male oriented. The meeting
area must be large enough to accommodate the group but not to small as to
stifle growth, not too big that it’s cavernous and unfriendly for discussions. It should be fairly private so that
conversations cannot be heard by outsiders so they will feel comfortable to
share and not feel embarrassed to be going to a ‘Church meetin’ ‘. A male oriented environment can be a
great help too. Try to find an
auto dealership or power toy store that has a lunchroom or conference room that
can be used when they are closed or not busy. Cars and toys are always a great attraction and conversation
starter and a place where men will feel comfortable. Coffee shops are always a great location if they have a
private meeting room. Owners of
such establishments will usually accommodate groups like this because it a
means to build clientele. If at
all possible keep it away from the church or someone’s home as this may not be
‘manly’ enough but don’t neglect that as an option if there are no other
places.
Topics: When choosing the topics for discussion it has been found
best that you stay away from published study guides that are handed out, not to
say that guides are not a great tool in other situations. With guides you will find that you will
send them home with the guys and very few will actually crack it during the
week. If they miss a week or two
they feel behind and out of it and that is their excuse not to attend anymore. It is better to have a topic that the
guys can plug into even if they have been away. This can be a continuing series, i.e. Bible passage study,
or it can be a different topic each week that is relevant to the needs of the
men.
Flexibility: When you come prepared to lead a discussion and someone
expresses a concern or has a question that they are concerned with (provided it
is appropriate to discuss in a group) it may be very beneficial to change
course and go that way for that week (you can always use your prepared stuff
next week). The important thing is
that you talk about things that the guys are interested in and want to keep
coming back to learn more. Don’t
forget to give the gospel message when it is deemed necessary.
Encourage Participation: You will find
all kinds of men in different stages of their walk with the Lord. Some will be quite knowledgeable (at
least they think so) and very willing to share that knowledge. Some may be new and feel too intimidated
to share or ask questions because it shows their level of maturity. Others, because of the personality will
respond to whatever makes them feel comfortable, quiet and reserved or
gregarious and funny as examples.
It is important to draw out the quiet guy, making him feel comfortable
to share and moderate the loud overbearing conversation monopolizer. Be caring and understanding of where
the guys are at, not forcing them to share and not making them feel dumb for
asking a question. In our
experience it is the new believer that quite often comes up with some great
insight.
Respect and Confidentiality are
paramount: Men will shy away from anything that makes them feel
inferior or disrespected. It is
best not to get into philosophical differences between denominations or churches. Keep to Scripturally based topics that
will not offend church beliefs but don’t shy away from topics that make men
more accountable for their actions.
Remind attendees that it is a safe place to share and that all will be
held in the strictest confidence then keep it that way! A confidence broken is very hard to
regain.
Advice: When in a leadership mode, refrain from giving unsolicited
advice. (Be aware of others in the
group giving advice as well and curtail that tactfully.) It is better to listen and then go to
the Scriptures to an appropriate passage that will lead the brother to his own
understanding, which he will generally heed better. ‘Advise’ is much better heeded when the answer is clear from
the Word and not along with finger pointing or wagging. If the advice is asked for it is still
better to go to the Scriptures and reinforce what you would have told him. Always be astute to where a man is and
do not offend him for other reasons other than what the Bible teaches, keeping
in mind that the Scriptures can offend if not understood or there is an issue
with unrepentant sin.
Support: The group should be a solace of support and it should be
reinforced all the time. Encourage
others to get involved with the support system. For example, if a brother has a need for automotive repairs
and there is a mechanic attending encourage them to get together. At the same time, so the one in need
doesn’t feel like a charity case and the supporter doesn’t feel used, see what
the supportee can do for the supporter.